becoming enough

🤍

Heartbreak is a loyal bitch of a muse.
Not the man ~ but the pain that packs its bags and follows him out the door.

I’ve devoured self-love sermons:
find your inner goddess, fill your cup, be the love you seek…
But how the hell do you actually feel enough?

After hibernating in my emotional coffin,
I’ve crawled out of my death sentence~
courtesy of a situationship that promised everything
and delivered absolutely nothing.

And I finally got the ick.
From him, obviously. But mostly from myself~
for accepting crumbs and calling it dinner.

Red Flag Revelations

Dissecting my patterns, I finally saw it:
I’m the red flag avoidant.
A love anorexic starving for affection
yet terrified to actually be fed.

Underneath it all:
“If I leave first, you can’t abandon me.”
That tired, threadbare story.
It doesn’t deserve a chapter in my new book.
Maybe a footnote. Or an eye roll.

The deepest abandonment wasn’t from him.
Or the one before him.
It was from me~
the girl who ghosted herself years ago.

Before 5 years of sobriety (with relapses that nearly killed me),
I was drowning in chemical anesthesia:
booze, benzos, shopping binges, sugar highs,
and men who mirrored my pain in prettier packaging.

But this time~ something shifted.
Instead of spiraling into self-doubt and worthlessness
that would’ve sent me crawling back to the bottle,
I hit pause. And the quiet said, stay.

Lightbulb Moment

After all the stages of grief: denial, bargaining,
the “sex was worth it” delusion~
came this quiet acceptance…
No man can save me.
No man has to.
I’ve finally saved myself.

I’m back to center,
back to my senses,
back to knowing that what I was doing
was not enough.

And I am done:
Done accepting scraps disguised as connection.
Done chasing the emotionally unavailable.
Done biting my tongue to keep the peace.
Done thinking sex is intimacy.
Done rolling out my silence like a red carpet
for someone else’s ego.

Mantra

When I wake up now and travel through my day ~
there’s a mantra looping in my head:
I am enough.
I am enough to be loved.
I am enough to love myself.

I don’t know how I got here,
all I know is I’ve never felt this before.
A quiet peace.

The last breakup made me drink.
This one made me heal.
Alone ~ but not lonely.
Finally, in love ~ with me.

I’m healthy. I’m messy. I’m whole.
And you know what? My dog adores me.
Right now, that’s love enough.

Love & spirals,
🖤 Cyn, your Bougie Hippie

What makes you enough?
What’s lighting you up today?
Pet pics highly encouraged.

☕️ Trade a coffee for my eBook: ESCAPE TO MEXICO